Health news they don't want you to know
Health news they don't want you to know
Health news they don't want you to know
US Virgin Islands: Deregulated prince and masseuse victim Andrew has launched a new fitness video with fancy moves honed over decades – and comes with a no-sweat and no money back guarantee.
Italy: Since the early 21st century scientists have suspected that larger bodies such as the sun could exert a gravitational pull on smaller objects such as planets – an intuition now giving hope to the lonely in society who may also wish to attract others into their orbit.
Portugal: Scientists have found that encouraging healthy bacteria in our gut is a surefire way to end our lives in severe discomfort and cast out from wider society – whichever is worse.
Jamaica: Athlete’s foot mainly affects experienced runners who cultivate a tendency to strike the ground with one foot much more frequently than the other – such as two impacts with the right foot for every left foot contact on a 5km run.
Brazil: Eating more processed food could help you better control your weight, free up more time to spend with family and help people to put the challenges at our borders into perspective.
Dr Congo: Public health officials in West Africa have declared that bushmeat is not to be considered as one of your 5-a-day – and it goes without saying that 5 pieces of bushmeat does not make up your recommended daily dose of fruit and vegetables either.
Netherlands: Scientists have finally agreed on the number of steps we should be taking each day – and it runs into the hundreds, if not thousands.
USA: Aspiring actress and moon denier Kim Kardashian has launched a new initiative she has branded Kim Kardashian Kardio (KKK) to help women reach their true potential – and achieve their exercise goals daily or hourly, whichever comes first.
UK: While consuming minute doses of LSD and weight-loss drugs – known as microdosing – is fashionable among the UK’s cool ‘middle classes’, faceless government officials are now warning against the exact opposite, which some have nicknamed ‘gluttony’.
Sweden: A daily walk sounds ideal, but could do more harm than good – with frequent strolls causing a ‘mind darkening’ effect for those who travel on foot to work and those hanging around on corners with the mass unemployed.
Taiwan: A restrictive diet consisting only of foods with both ‘a’ and ‘i’ in their name is proving to be especially powerful in the war on girth – burning fat 5x faster than typical condiments, and twice as fast as online abuse.
Singapore: While most of us are aware of the foot loss epidemic caused by the toxic rubber in running shoes, there are other exercises you should avoid, says sedentary specialist Netflix.
