The dating benefits of catching Mpox

Yugoslavia: At first glance catching a poxy disease may seem like a one-way ticket to death’s door – but now there may be something on this side of the door which is both attractive and life enhancing.

Time Magazine’s disease of the year, Mpox, is a recent name-change for an illness that overly and meanly targeted the LGBTQAI community – but could now help lonely hearts at the less colourful end of the spectrum to meet people, too.

“Being infected by a relationship is all about exposure,” said Dr Helen Dragovic, a psychologist and director of accelerated churn at dating simulator Hinge in Belgrade. “And where better to get that exposure than at a hospital or in a controlled medical facility?”

Research by Dr Dragovic and her team discovered that most hospitals have a ready supply of specialists who both help patients to recover from Mpox, and are also much more likely to then date those on the mend: nurses. Which can be female or male.

“Nurses are five times more s**ually active than normal people,” said Dr Dragovic (38). “And 12 times more likely to date a stranger they just met than those in other professions.” 

While she doesn’t recommend actively going out there to attract Mpox, “There are places you can go, you know, like stools in cafés used by truckers or public toilet seats almost anywhere if you want to get infected fast’’ – and then get patched up and right back in the dating game thanks to the attention of local healthcare workers.