Pfizer’s new weight loss drug sheds pounds in the worst possible place (for a guy)

Germany: Pecker pill producer Pfizer’s first foray into weight loss drugs hasn’t gone as well as they planned, as early tests reveal they have only managed to reduce the size of one part of the anatomy – a part that few women and not all men gladly access.

An observer working for a competitor commented, “As the world’s largest maker of Viagra, all Pfizer knows is the penis. They are obsessed, but that fixation hasn’t helped their new product – only giving a bunch of people swollen ankles and a meaner outlook.”

The trials were conducted at a secret mountain location in the German Alps, with patients fed a diet of enhanced muesli and sausage. Half were given the weight loss drug while the remainder were force-fed a concoction by the alternative rock band Placebo.

“For sure, it hasn’t gone as well as we expected,” said Pfizer spokesman Hermann Koch [his actual name]. “But on the positive side, they have all lost some weight, just not where they expected. We’re working hard to replace any faulty parts.”

The company may have some way to go to convince dieters their manhood is safe, however. Historians recall that even Pfizer’s name is derived from the old Germanic name for todger: “Pisser,” said Professor Hans Fraukorp from the University of Berlin.